Don’t get me wrong, I care about my mother’s well-being, but love? I think I love the idea of my mother, but not the reality.
I would love an unconditionally loving mother who cares, nurtures and really supports me as a human being. I would have loved a mother who enthused about my achievements, who encouraged me to go into the world and shine, but I didn’t get that mother, my soul chose differently.
As a society, we put so much pressure on ourselves to behave a certain way. We ‘should’ ourselves into so many things.
- You should love your parents
- You should be married by now
- You should have children
- You shouldn’t have an abortion
- You should be white, not black
- You shouldn’t be gay
The list just goes on and on and that doesn’t stop with love.
I was always under the impression that love is unconditional, but we have been thrown into a society which creates a life where love is full of conditions. So many ‘you must do this and that to make me happy!’
We carry heavy burdens of obligations especially when it comes to family.
We believe we should attend family events like weddings and funerals.
We believe we should love our parents, our siblings and care for them until they die.
We believe blood is thicker than water when often this statement is meaningless to most people with the normal ‘dysfunctional’ family.
So many burdens we all carry.
And I was told I ‘should’ love my mother even when every ounce of my being since I was born never felt she loved me so how could I love her when I had no relationship with her in that sense.
I was conditioned to believe I had to fulfill her needs so that she would accept me and not reject me, even if this meant going against my core being and my intuition.
Even in the past year, a so-called friend told me I ‘should’ love my mother even after hearing the lack of love and connection we have, this person is supposedly a healer and with awareness.
It is just more guilt-tripping.
I was taught to be a people pleaser from an early age and I felt so torn up inside when I believed I ‘should’ be loving my mother when in fact I do not.
I care what happens to her, but love?
The number of times I spent with her and trying so hard to wedge open my heart to feel love for her and you would need a chisel and hammer to get my heart open.
I love. I love deeply and completely, but my mother?
I don’t think this will change in the sense of ordinary motherly love, but it may change on a soul level as I begin to forgive and understand the journey we have both been on. A friend said to me recently ‘love your mother because she chose to be your vessel to come into this world’. And this made sense, that kind of love, an appreciation on a soul level.
Maybe I will love and accept her on a soul level but on a human personality level? Too much has happened for that to change. But I never say never.
If my soul can love her soul, wonderful!
But some people are seriously abused and raped by parents, how could you ever ‘you should love’ to those people?
Yes, we can forgive, accept and move on and maybe, just maybe open our hearts to love from the soul, but don’t try and make someone feel guilty for not loving. That’s as crazy as telling someone to love the person who murdered their entire family and tortured them, would you say ‘you should love them’? I doubt you would and if you did it would be fairly cruel and mean to do so.
It’s all about compassion and self-love.
To love self and accept who we are we first need to accept our own nature, our own feelings and the truth of ‘what is’.
If we don’t love our parents or mothers we don’t love our parents or mothers and this is okay.
Maybe your parents would feel devastated if they found out, but it’s far better you free yourself from this prison than keep yourself encased in a mountain of ‘shoulds’ that do not belong to you.
OWN YOUR TRUTH
OWN ‘WHAT IS’
Release all that is not true right now.
GUILT is a pointless emotion weighing heavy on your soul.
FREE yourself from this burden.
FREE yourself from responsibilities that do not belong to you.
You are not obligated to love.
You are obligated to be you.
That is all.